A month and a half in my thirties...
Running - supposedly good for your health, your resistance, stamina, your aura etc., but is not always good for the joints L After following a running program, ending our sixth week my running partner caught a cold and my left knee told me to slow down. 7 weeks left till completing our goal of being able to run 10k with a smile hmm... I guess that’s just life in a nutshell, setting goals and even taking action to reach ‘em, but circumstances don’t always let you get there that easily. Italic on easily; as it doesn’t mean you won’t get there, but showing a little more effort, strengthen your will and maybe modify or even change strategy one shall always reach the goal...
I found a letter in my drawer, which I had written for a dear friend of mine; it was a copy, to remind myself of the friendship I had thanked her for. I’ve mentioned her a few times in my post, life this year has not really turned out the way she pictured it when she left and went back home the start of the year.
Although they generally define themselves in the milieu of a masculine dominated post-colonial Asian Catholic society, Filipino women live in a culture that is focused on the community, with the family as the main unit of society. It is in this framework of Philippine hierarchical structure, class differences, religious justifications, and living in a globally developing nation wherein Filipino women struggle for respect. Compared to other parts of Southeast Asia, women in Philippine society have always enjoyed a greater share of legal equality.”
My favorite friend across seas buzzed on my yahoo account, wanting to explode while turning her heads to the law books, her funny professor and the tattooed seatmate; with only two months left for her bar exam - her heart finally cries for a Bacardi, as news from home keeps her shoulders heavy. One similar factor to all the Filipina women I have observed and mentioned throughout my life and this blog, is the weakness for their family.
It doesn’t matter how capable, how strong, how determined they are in their actions, their motivation and ironically often their hindrance or weakness too, is the family. Personally, I’d do anything for mine, right or wrong, I’m usually there. Stupidity or even luck, I’ll assist or help in the best ways. Lately, though I must admit more often than not, I have tended to my own needs rather than theirs. But I guess that depends, my mother has her ways of being, I truly miss her old self, I guess who she is now is a mix of who she seeks to be and her old self that she reflects she must leave behind; we all have our mother-daughter moments, good and bad; but the fact is; she’s here, she’s near me; and she’s always there when I need her. Being there for her can be a struggle at times, but I know my heart cries out more when hers do.
My sister, is my uttermost soft spot, I think she knows that, if she didn't she'll know now :D She can be THE pain in all parts of my body, but I can never resist her. I don’t know if it is the older sister in me, with the inevitable feel of obligation to take care of her because she doesn’t know better, but really sometimes she surprises me too. All grown up we are, and at certain points we just need to let ourselves be taken care of, to be able to take care of those we care of the most.
I have never been in the real situation of having to support my family financially, in the serious sense; I have given or paid some of my part to my parents when I was still staying with them, but compared to my Filipino friends or cousins who support their family or whom the family trust will take care of them, I do know I have no idea or will never be able to imagine how one could resist in that given situation, when your family is in need.
In the Philippines though, over the years, as the citizens have been raised to be emigrants, rather than raised to stay and help nationally, as it is all about survival. There is not much space for egocentrism there, maybe with the modern and more richer people of the country, but typically if one decides to leave the country, it is for him/her family first and for him/herself second.
Whether it is an ex-nanny, struggling with popular small tele-businesses, online-marketing, to provide for her son, mother, siblings and even nephews and nieces, a law-student struggling with a full-time job while keeping ears and nose in the books of laws ruling the country, while a fiancée patiently awaits till she can be his, a family opposing to the engagement as they worry she will not support them anymore, whether it is an artistic nurse, an engineer who have no family other than their mothers to support, it's all the same, we get strength through our faith in any ideology that allows us to believe, we live mostly by our hearts andwe're driven by our soul.
No, it’s not a revelation, nor information, this post is just one of those thoughts, you know? ;)
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