Just haven't met you yet...

Getting closer to year's end..
As part of travelling life, i don't blog much about it; but here goes; a peak in my humble version of what seems so pink, rosy and full of hearts when listening to others and their stories of "Love". hahaha
Now don't get too excited, it's not much and clearly merely a tribute to those who heroically attempted but did not succeed.. ahem..
Notice the choice of font and italic.. hihi


Thinking of the special people around me.. probably time to be thankful and reflect on personal gains and losses. not a must, but that's what u tend to do, in these darker, colder times whereever u are in the world (except australia?).


I've finally accepted my own decision of rejecting this guy i've been crushing for almost a year.. we kind of dated, after a brilliant idea (note sarcastic undertone) of family arranging a so-called blind date.. well, crushing on someone, could be because of looks, personality, wits etc. It could be a friend, a stranger on the train, just an acquaintance etc., this particular dude, is a kind of just an acquaintance. At first glance he's seemingly shy and hesitant. well, if you don't get to know him that is. anyway  didn't think he'd be my typical type of guy, but he did charm with his cute, very nice and warm smile. what also draw me to him, was his simple and silent ways of showing interest in me, and although very vague.. he did catch my attention and my wanting to know him more when he called to greet me xmas eve last year. i wonder if he'll do the same this year? naeh.. 
One night, after some weeks i asked him not to text me anymore, which he accepted. and it instantly felt as if he wasn't that into me, ironically though I was the one who decided not to see him anymore; i did have a week of regret and very weird emotions taking over me and my normal controlled reactions but more because I did like him, and I already felt rejected too. hahaha (Note; controlled). 


Intuitions and signs, are they actually connected? I told one of my friends, that I'm not sure I believe in signs but I do tend to use socalled "signs" or coincidences to confirm my sceptism or intuition. I've blabbered about communication in previous post, and where the h*** do u find it in this case! hah!


Not much happened this year on the "love"frontier, except for that. i'm not complaining though, and I did have my share of flirts and crushes; it was like being a teenager all over again (except I'm a late bloomer, so what does that say about me! hah!). really kind of just going out there, even though it's still controlled... listing the few men that I include in my lists of puppylove, love, crushes or maybe even flings; a young boy, i just now remember again - crushed on him my whole kindergarden year in school, he moved away with his family and have not seen him since, maybe my first puppy love even? some in my teenage years but not worth mentioning, as i was a late bloomer, though one, who i count as my first real date, a nice guy who crashed my 18th birthday bash, and decided to ask me out after. hahaha. a very short story. 
only one story really meant something those years, my first love. dated him for 8 years, after a seemingly short engagement he broke up with me. it hurt, bad. we went through a lot of things; and even I wanted out several times, but couldn't leave, my best friend.
after the first 8 months i was glad he did. slowly i got back to my self even though hurt was still beside me, i had learned how to not let it get too close. until this day he still pops back into my life, or at least he tries to in some ways.


First guy i dated after my first love, i actually thought I felt something for. but because of the hurt and the thought of getting hurt, I was scared. we dated for a few months and then we stopped. that's around a year and 9 months ago. tried two blinddates this year and just secretly crushing people as if I'm 14 years of age. stole a few kisses from a couple of people and that's it! 
To list overall profiles and type patterns: musician, it consultant, next-door-neighbor-ish- piercing-dude, artist and skin artist... ooohhh.. one of these I've had seemingly great correspondance with, yes I could fall in love with his writing, the wit he presents me, is addicting! hah. enough now.
fact is none has been bold enough to stay by my side...


In my defense I don't think I'm a bad looking person, true I don't do more to make myself attractive, haha. I've developed my social skills through the years though! am not as shy as I used to be, hihi.. but yeah.. I may come off as being scary or even mean or serious if u dont know me! hahaha.


I know that I'm more hestitant now than ever in getting involved with someone new; two men in my life who's meant the most have hurt me in the worst way; destroying my respect for them by cheating on themselves and their love. no secret who they are. my first love and my father.


I'm told or reassured by friends and family, that I'll meet the one for me; but as I just read in a blogpost in anushay's point about the engagement of the very sought for prince william and his "common" kate, these fairytale stories, waiting for our prince charming to come around; do they really last?!
One thing I think is truly admirable though; is the way a person can just let go and do anything to love, and on today's reality shows on TV they even show people's big bash weddings and bachelor's looking for the one; hahaha. though for competition or even just for the 15 min of commercial fame, I will never go there, but still admirable in some sense.


I'm ok right now, and one thing i'm guessing; I just haven't met You yet ;)


It finally snowed for real.. the streets are white, and traffic chaotic! hah. every year same routine, as if we didn't have a weather forecast to prepare us! this image is from last winter, the bench of "love" and the tree of beauty, the night of promises and the light for you to see, booyah! hahaha.. 

This post is specially dedicated to FSL - you're gonna love this!