The title is one of the songs by India Arie.
Or is it?..
A few weeks have passed since I read the blog "my big fat feminist wedding" - anushay's point. I suddenly felt a bit feminist pride again, so I shared it with a dear friend, she also blogs, and wrote a post once "I am iron woman", which is why she instantly reacted after reading Anushay's Point; "she's like me!" And I just thought of the different strong women in the world and how they perceive themselves and actually manage to push through with whatever they believe in and stand for at the same time.
But is it really so, that we have to perceive ourselves in a particular way to be able to reach the goals that we set for ourselves? Hmm… I guess in a way, yeah ‘cause drive and motivation is usually pushed by ambitions, your background, what you believe in, who you’ve become and of course your self-confidence... Someone commented on the "my big fat feminist wedding" blog post; criticizing the actual concept of this being a feminist wedding, and the person even dared to judge the blogger, and question her being a feminist because of how she chose to tell her story, and mention the word "feminist" several times.
Just thought it was funny, 'cause a few years back I'd like to think I would be more of the feminist type, not that I would go around and say “Hi I’m a feminist”, but merely push forward and always react or comment if someone would do a gender remark of some sort.
Then life happened, as "she" usually does, and I let go of some of my principles and beliefs but not in the sense that I completely let go of what I stand for, I was just being more open to understanding how things can also be perceived, I learned though and found myself to still having strong sense of opinion every time it had something to do with the gender roles. My cousin or friends sometimes murmured, "here she goes.." or "yeah, careful, what you say now.. the feminist is here" And I'd suddenly remember, that yeah I guess that's a part of who I am. So I guess it's not a question of using the word, but living it, like with a lot of other things in life.. Action speak louder than words..?
More than a week ago Aung San Suu Kyi was finally released, from her house-arrest of 15 years... another icon for activists, democrats and women. Aung San Suu Kyi used to be a simple burmese housewife. A great icon of mine, is a woman who came here 37 years ago. Who managed to move to a foreign country and leave her family at 19 years of age. She came here together with other 48 young Filipinas to work. A journalist heard their story and today wants to do a book on the political and social development issues of the Philippines and in some way string it to the migration history of Filipinos here. This woman met with the rest of the women from "the 49'ers" and they’ve been reminiscing and really sharing each their views of the same story. They talked about what were their greatest accomplishments, what they cherish and took pride in the most from their “growing and living” here. Everyone said something, some were thinking or some said nothing and my icon said, which is of course - my mother, that what she thought she could be most proud of; was that she could be a mother, a wife and do all the things you usually do with help from others, when being home in the Philippines. She did that almost everything by herself and enjoyed it.
Even though, I have some issues about my parent's marriage with regards to how their own relationship was, their companionship was all in all equalized through the years. True my mother, as many women in the Philippines had to do this, as a woman does, but as the years did pass, my father slowly learned that surviving life here in Northern Europe is best done when you and your partner have equal roles. You both work, no one provides for the other, although there is of course still the never-ending topic of men still being paid more, yeah different story. Anyway seemingly my point is people’s culture does evolve, and perception of how things are done, change.
Some friends of mine, married with children, my doctor friend said something like; that’s just a facade, it is truly different; I want to have my “me-time”, I want to be alone with my husband, I want time with my kids, and I want to be with my parents and my girlfriends. It is a different life. Another friend of mine was telling me how guilty she felt because she wanted time for herself, and in her short vacation of a week, she was relieved to leave her son at the day-care and she felt so bad, “but I love my son! Am I a bad mother?” she so innocently said. I immediately told her what my doctor friend said and how perfectly normal it is.
As a woman, is it really ourselves, the society, history or just life in general that demands so much of us? We want to be equal, I mean yeah why not, why is there even this division of roles;
I’d instantly say; but again, women want to be equal, meaning they want equal rights, equal salaries as that of their co-habitants of men. But doesn’t equality mean more than that?
I’d instantly say; but again, women want to be equal, meaning they want equal rights, equal salaries as that of their co-habitants of men. But doesn’t equality mean more than that?
I spoke to another friend of mine the other night. I kind of made a decision not to include anything from my lovelife on these pages, I have though in so many simple words, and actually just did a tribute to “All the men I loved before”... hahaha not really loved, but anyway, yeah I've been crushing this particular guy for almost a year, and we dated... shortly. My friend said, that she didn't like him for me, not in particular because she didn't know the guy.. she clarified it to me the other night, that being a woman, I should be taken care of. Not that he wouldn't be able to, and I told my friend, well.. the kind of woman I am, it's not hard for me to intimidate those who see the gender roles exactly the way you’re telling me. I kind of understand now though, why she and another friend expresses their concern when I date men, ‘cause apparently they feel these men cannot take care of me. Oh, my won't all men disappoint them then! LOL
I went to a screening of a short film called "Home of the Golden Gays", 12 min. short film by these newly graduates of journalistic, social & development and film-photography studies. The story takes place in Manila and at the screening they presented a little background and history of the plot. It can be found in wikipedia online;
"The role of women in the Philippines is explained based on the context of Filipino culture, standards, and mindsets. The Philippines is described to be a nation of strong women, who directly and indirectly run the family unit, businesses, government agencies and haciendas. Although they generally define themselves in the milieu of a masculine dominated post-colonial Asian Catholic society, Filipino women live in a culture that is focused on the community, with the family as the main unit of society. It is in this framework of Philippine hierarchical structure, class differences, religious justifications, and living in a globally developing nation wherein Filipino women struggle for respect. Compared to other parts of Southeast Asia, women in Philippine society have always enjoyed a greater share of legal equality"
This part I like:
"The pre-colonial social structure of the Philippines gave equal importance to maternal and paternal lineage. This bilateral kinship system accorded Philippine women enormous power within a clan. They were entitled to property, engage in a trade and could exercise their right to divorce her husband. They could also become village chiefs in the absence of a male heir. Before the arrival of the Spaniards, Filipino women could also achieve status as medicine women or high-priestesses and astrologers."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_in_the_Philippines
And watching this short film about men who in so many ways were much more traditional women in the way they perceive themselves than I will ever see myself, is really ironic. The natural sense of being a woman is not to be a feminist first, but a feminists occur once a woman's natural instinct is suppressed?
So does this explain that ever since leaving my mother's womb, independence hit me, not wanting to be breastfed, but bottle-fed, and while growing up, always trying to listen to my parents, and in some cases, I was the leader type too.. But my initial need to feel accepted at several points also gave me away, and let me flow into my hard shell of being the silent follower, who did observe everything and did have an opinion of everyone. but being a firm observer of everything around me i guess i slowly developed my feminists views.. heheh.. ahem.
Nevertheless, no matter how strong women are in their own righteous way, I do believe that when it comes to wanting to be loved, to be taken care of and to be happy with another person we are all just human. Even if it means we do want that big bash of a stardom wedding, the main issue is just to remember who you are and that you're able to stand when the most important person starts doubting; Yourself. Equality is a righteous issue, but surrendering yourself to love is both brave and human. Women aren’t less feminist if they do ;)
What makes a feminist human?
Her mouth, hunger, her uterus, her child, a cyst in her ovary, her pain, her aging, her wrinkles, her eyes, breast-cancer, her ears, pregnancy, her heart, her job, motherly care, sleep, a man, fatigue, stress, happiness and love.
What makes me a feminist?
I’d like to think it’s; my heart, my belief, my gut, my knowledge, my culture, Philippines, my background, my mom, my dad, my sister, my past, the world, religion and men.
And watching this short film about men who in so many ways were much more traditional women in the way they perceive themselves than I will ever see myself, is really ironic. The natural sense of being a woman is not to be a feminist first, but a feminists occur once a woman's natural instinct is suppressed?
So does this explain that ever since leaving my mother's womb, independence hit me, not wanting to be breastfed, but bottle-fed, and while growing up, always trying to listen to my parents, and in some cases, I was the leader type too.. But my initial need to feel accepted at several points also gave me away, and let me flow into my hard shell of being the silent follower, who did observe everything and did have an opinion of everyone. but being a firm observer of everything around me i guess i slowly developed my feminists views.. heheh.. ahem.
Nevertheless, no matter how strong women are in their own righteous way, I do believe that when it comes to wanting to be loved, to be taken care of and to be happy with another person we are all just human. Even if it means we do want that big bash of a stardom wedding, the main issue is just to remember who you are and that you're able to stand when the most important person starts doubting; Yourself. Equality is a righteous issue, but surrendering yourself to love is both brave and human. Women aren’t less feminist if they do ;)
What makes a feminist human?
Her mouth, hunger, her uterus, her child, a cyst in her ovary, her pain, her aging, her wrinkles, her eyes, breast-cancer, her ears, pregnancy, her heart, her job, motherly care, sleep, a man, fatigue, stress, happiness and love.
What makes me a feminist?
I’d like to think it’s; my heart, my belief, my gut, my knowledge, my culture, Philippines, my background, my mom, my dad, my sister, my past, the world, religion and men.
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